i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You were trust falling into bushes
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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