Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
