i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
