His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
