She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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