He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She bit a glass in half.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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