Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
