i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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