This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Everclear isn't food dammit
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
