I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
