Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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