there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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