my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
