I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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