saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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