I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
