I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
