My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
