I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
