So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
