just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
