I seem to have left my pride at pride
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
