Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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