Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I need a burrito and a hug.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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