do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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