Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
that's an acceptable place to lick
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
