I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
