Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
