Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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