I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
