1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
