Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
