Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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