I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize
