I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize