My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
