yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
