I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
