you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
