yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
