It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
