Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
