i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Randomize
