I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Please, let me fuck your mom
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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