Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
