need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
