Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
