we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
