You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
