I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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