I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
