My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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