and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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