please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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