I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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