I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
and you fell through a lawn chair
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
