People with herpes should wear stickers.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize