You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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