i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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