I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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