It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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