I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
