They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
