and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
