Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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