NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
