meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
