I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
