i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize