I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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