Sry I called you an 8
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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