I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
