just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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