What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
