Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize
