don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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