Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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