Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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