He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
