I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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