My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize