at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
