Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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