Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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