That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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