It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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