He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
