it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
