I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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