shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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