take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I will pee on everything he values.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
