once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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