an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
