Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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