Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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