It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
