I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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