did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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