I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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