when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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