Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
