she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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