you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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