"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
