Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
