trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
